Warning Transparent Post Ahead: For the last 13 years, I've been told many times that one day I would stand on a stage and share my story of healing with in front of thousands. I know that I have been called to heal the broken by the word of my testimony... We all have. But the stirring of duty seemed so daunting... so out of reach. Too much. I fought the idea for 11 years, but eventually I knew that I wouldn't rest until I fulfilled my calling. So, last year, I decided to just be willing. I've sat down a hundred times since then to write "my" book... But eventually that small voice inside says "shut up, stupid. No one cares." Even as I share this Facebook status, I'm one quick flick away from deleting it... Often, I've felt stifled by duty. Numb with worry and insecurity. But, finally, last year I prayed "I'm willing. Put me where you will." I went to my pastor and told him what I felt, he agreed with excitement, but I think I got lost in the shuffle. A few months later I was told that my story should be shared in a "secular arena". At that time, the thought of sharing my story with a room full of friends was enough to make me nauseous... Let alone ten thousand people who I don't know anything about. I scoffed at the idea. Who walks into a secular arena and gives glory to God for healing? Not me. No way. But through a series of bazaar and unexpected events, 2 weeks ago, I walked on stage a shared a tiny fraction of the healing God has done in my life. At a conference for work. In front of ten thousand people. It was extraordinary. I fully believe that what God has brought us through, he can do through us. It was an amazing experience, but it didn't play out as I'd imagined. No one was healed - at least not visibly - the day that I spoke. No lives were forever changed - at least that I've heard about. So, I came home. Back to my mommy-wife-candy crush life. I look at my kids and honestly, could care less if I totally impact thousands of people. I have these humans who I'm in charge of and all that really matters is that I raise them to be who God wants them to be. But is it really all that matters? What does it say to them if I don't rise up? As the days go on I've started to feel this stirring in my spirit... Like this is just the tiny top of the iceberg.
If you're broke - broke in body, mind, spirit, finances, relationships - take heart! God can heal every brokenness. I've seen it with my own eyes.
"Trust in The Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths." Psalm 3:5-6